out-fit
It always starts with the outfit
Go to Manhattan or stay in Brooklyn?
Let the clothes decide, how much they crave to be seen
Thousands of uncertainties stack my internal closet
But there are no question marks in my wardrobe
Color and composition handed down, picked off the curb, thrifted in bins, offer sophisticated punctuation
A kind of accurate attunement
Tricking the inside to align with the exterior
Billowing floral cotton button up with long sleeves, shorts, heels, accessorized in gold
Appear like rent was paid in full
I’m no fool
Yesterday in push up bra with plaid v-neck
Adaptability dawned on me
To be good at many things became something other than ADD
Phone drops out of pocket as I write this, onto the linoleum floor of the c train
The screen illuminates this message,
“According to data, you have exceeded the limit of audio exposure in the past 7 days.”
Thanks Apple
For caring about my sensitive ears like a considerate boyfriend
Communicating consistently, updating automatically, making suspicious suggestions
It doesn’t matter that your mining the planet for every rare mineral as long as you vibrate in my pocket with loving reminders like check out this podcast, “how to be in relationship” or “remember this memory,” here’s a collective photo album we made of you and your ex.
It seems universe really doesn’t like a chip on the shoulder
Which sucks because I’m addicted to salt n vinegar
Satirically riffing has always been my foreplay
Still sorting out how sarcasm works on a page
Inappropriate to my academic institution
But isn’t that how it works
Surgeons have death humor
Mine is wanting to flip justice on it’s head
Perform fellatio on the word “trigger”
Be in bed with our traumas, cuz aren’t we
Then facilitate a healing circle for those triggered by the word trigger
But seriously, laughing at how serious we are is how my love is made
It always begins with the outfit
Bright blazer and big pants will be perfect for the formal presentation on sustainable systems come Monday Morning at 9am
Clap for pedagogy that explores gender and racial equality as a means to radically stabilize climate
Audience rises with applause for the research, curriculum, student work, Rev plus Dr. (one day) that precedes my name
Come 9pm, jeans on, hair down, humor out
As we act out satirical skits in some grundgy basement
Where all good humor is paired with the smell of piss stain beer
I put aside yellow and rose dress this morning, better for when pregnant
Clothes are preliminary visions, children’s names initial stirrings
The other parts, partner, financial stability, somewhere through the binoculars in the faraway sea, there is a silhouette of possibility
I’m in a victorian dress on a sailboat and he’s a knight in shining agility
Our wit rows us to the deep blue, all the sea creatures chuckle, fishes bubble
Wool and corsets stripped (those victorian outfits are really uncomfortable under the hot lamp of climate change)
I switch to mermaid, he a narwhal
We make love in the salty water and all micro plastics are absorbed during climax, the coral gets it’s vibrant color back
It’s two things my body is trying to prepare for birth even when the logistics are non-existent
Other than my most tangible goal in life to wear every probable combination of clothes in my closet (infinite at the speed of incoming scavenged finds)
Is what feels like the most intangible goal, to be ridiculous on stage as a way of moving through the in between
Releasing the reigns of everything we made up for the relief of the biggest belly laugh emitting a gas that lifts all the others
Playing around with the severity of existential threats and us arguing democrats
Imaginative in a way that puts Elon Musk to work (on Earth) after a vasectomy
To me there would no better outfit than the fit of being truly, fully out
Photo by @el_jong